In my post on toxic relationships, I talked about how your friends, family, significant other, and even yourself could be holding you back. In this post, I’m going to talk about the kind of relationships you need to have and how to let go of those that no longer serve you.
P.S. Click here to read the last post in the series on how to manage your spending!
The 3 Types of People You NEED to Have in Your Life
People Who Celebrate You
Pay close attention to people who don’t clap when you win.
There are people who always comment or critique you when you’re not doing your best, but remain silent when you are. Pay attention to those people. Those people are not your friends. They are not happy for you.
You need to evaluate the relationships you have in your life now, and those you form in the future to make sure these people are pushing you to become who you want to be.
The truth is, growing as a person is hard. Sometimes you’re going to have to fall back on people you are closest with for support and comfort. If these people don’t believe in your dreams and where you’re trying to go then they’ll only discourage you.
Even if you don’t get to that point yet, ever heard the saying “don’t tell your big dreams to small minded people?” That’s very real. When people can’t envision big things for themselves, they tend to project that limited thinking onto others that do, especially if those who came from a similar background. People will hold themselves back with their limited mindsets and make you believe that your goals aren’t possible because they couldn’t do it. Sometimes they mean well. Sometimes it’s your family, friends, or significant other. Either way, accept their ‘well wishes’ but let it go through one ear and out the other.
At the end of the day, you are responsible for your life. Not anyone else. If you don’t accomplish your dreams and the vision you created for yourself from the first post, that’s on you. So make it happen.
Read more on how relationships can be toxic and hold you back here:
I highly recommend you read these posts for a more in-depth explanation on how you could be maintaining relationships that are doing more harm than good.
People Who are Smarter than You.
The worst thing you could do is be the smartest person in your group. If you’re content with where you are, and you have no desire to improve your life then be my guest. But because you’re here reading this right now, I know that you’re not.
You can’t learn from people who don’t know any more than you do. If you’re very observant and intuitive like me, then you can learn from their mistakes, but that’s about it.
People Who Align with the Vision You Created for Yourself
Remember that vision you created for yourself in the first post? This applies here too.
Let’s say you want to become a doctor; find other people in the medical field who can share their knowledge and experiences with you. Similarly, if you want to be an entrepreneur, find other entrepreneurs that will challenge you to go against the status quo when everyone is telling you seek ‘job security.’
You have to form relationships with people who are either trying to achieve the same thing as you, or people who have already achieved it.
If you only surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable where you are now, you will always remain where you are. You won’t grow.
Use this FREE worksheet as you follow along with the series!
How to let go of relationships that no longer serve you
I’ll be the first to admit that this is not easy. I’m actually not good at this at all, but that’s why I’m the best person to help you with this.
You see, I’ve had many instances where I kept people in my life longer than they deserved to be. I looked at the situation from a standpoint of “I’ve invested too much time and effort into this person.”
This is the biggest mistake we make. In my experience, I wasted way more time trying to repair a broken relationship after I thought about giving up.
What we tend to do is evaluate the situation and say “I’ve put in ‘x’ amount of time with this person so I can’t give up now because it’ll all be for nothing.”
Consider the following:
- The very fact that you’re contemplating ending that relationship means your intuition is telling you that it’s time, but your emotions are still in control. Trust. Your. Intuition.
- The minute you realize you should leave a situation and you don’t, every second after that will ignite more regret into you because when it does end, you’ll tell yourself that “I should’ve ended things when I thought something was wrong.”
- When you let people overstay their welcome, their presence becomes far more detrimental to you than the comfort you think you’ll get from keeping that person in your life.
I’m not saying that every time there’s a misunderstanding in your relationships that you should immediately end things. But I think that at some point we all realize when it’s time to let go – we may just not want to admit it to ourselves.
P.S. This applies to all types of relationships. Not just romantic relationships. Family and friends can be toxic too.
“Okay, so I cut them off, now what?”
Now you make sure they stay out.
I had to create a whole section for this because it’s important.
Cutting someone off is hard, but it’s relatively easier than making sure that person stays out of your life. Whether it be a toxic friend, family member or significant other, the point is that they are toxic.
If you’re always dealing with toxic people and toxic situations, it will weigh in your mind/life and ultimately attract more negativity to your life. We’re trying to attract positivity here, so make sure your hands aren’t full with negativity so that you can receive the blessings you desire.
Here are some tips:
Block them: if you feel like you won’t have enough restraint to avoid contacting them, block and delete their number. If you’re like me and you don’t memorize numbers, then this will help a great deal – just make sure they’re blocked on social media too. And by the way, save the excuses you have in your head. If they remain unblocked, there is a 99.999999% chance that either one of you is going to contact the other. So once again, save the excuses. Just block them.
Remember why you had to cut them off in the first place: often times our emotions tend to dictate our actions – which is why it is hard to let go. It can be very easy to think about all the good times with someone and hesitate to give that up, but don’t forget the bad times too! Don’t let the good times blind you as to how y’all got to this point. Don’t tell yourself that the good outweighs the bad based on quantity. Even if the good times to bad times ratio is 100:1, that one bad time could be something like abuse or infidelity. Is it really worth it to risk going through that again?
“But they said it won’t happen again – it was a one-time thing.” – Are you willing to take that chance?
“So do you really expect me to just give up on all that I’ve invested and throw my relationship away?” – If you’ve gotten to this point, then the chances are that that person already has. It’s not on you to accept the blame for “giving up,” they already made that decision, I’m asking you to put yourself first.
REMEMBER YOUR VISION: You’re here because you’re trying to become the best version of yourself. Once again, if you go around carrying dead weight, you won’t have any room for blessings!
“Okay, but this is really hard…”
Yes! Yes, it is. But guess what? Nothing good comes easy.
You’re taking the road less traveled because you want to be extraordinary. A big part of that is surrounding yourself with the right people.
The truth is, not everyone in your life is meant to stay. Some people only come into your life to teach you a lesson so you can eventually become the person you were meant to be.
I’ll leave you with this quote:
Click to read the final post in the series on how to build your confidence and self-esteem and ultimately become the best version of yourself!
Are you all caught up? Check out the previous posts in the series:
- Personal Growth Series: Creating and Achieving Your Vision
- Eating Healthier: Change Your Diet and Watch Your Skin Glow
- How to Passively Manage Your Spending
Till next time,