After evaluating my life and really thinking, I’ve decided to publish my blog (or diary – because that’s what it’s really been for me). I thought about starting from scratch and posting advice and other stuff but that didn’t align with the vision I had for my blog. I felt the need to share my thoughts because after talking to some of my friends I realized that many of them are experiencing the same things I’ve been talking about in my posts. I don’t claim to know everything or that I have my life together, but I do see value in sharing my journey and being relatable/helping people.
Now I have to be honest, I did delete a few posts (probably about 5) because of how short or personal they were (mainly if it was too specific or obvious who I was talking about). I’m very introspective so I do a lot of self-reflection, but I don’t really discuss that with other people. I haven’t actually told a soul most of what I posted about – mainly because of the fact that I don’t feel obligated to discuss my life with others, and I’m also a very private person when it comes to certain things.
Anyway, you can read the about section to find out what my blog is about and other general info about me. Let me explain how I got into blogging in the first place.
How I got into blogging
Caution: embarrassing material ahead!
When I was younger (like early teen years) I was really into graphic designing and creating websites/blogs just so I could design them. No really, if I saw multiple themes that I liked I would create multiple blogs so I could use them all. The content was definitely trash but I’ve always been excited about starting new projects and having to design them in some way, shape or form. Now because I clearly don’t care about my reputation, I’m going to share the ones that still exist. They aren’t published, they’re password protected because I didn’t want to delete them (again, hoarder) so I’ll insert screenshots below.
#1: Media Madness: “Crazy internet stuff!”
In this one, I blogged about things that were trending on social media/television. I even made a review of Rebecca Black – Friday and iCarly’s iOMG episode. (I understand if you close this page now)
I should honestly be arrested for thinking this was acceptable. Do y’all see my twitter username? I can’t with myself right now.
#2: Hailey’s World: “My Personal Life ; Blogged. Views of life by a typical 14 year old. And other random things about my day.”
Now let’s discuss this atrocity for a second. First of all, please keep in mind that I was 14 years old. Now, all grammar errors aside, I could literally throw up. To the third point – I honestly don’t even remember who I was talking about but girl please get it together. However, I totally understand if you’re about to click off my blog after reading this. I don’t blame you.
Anyway, luckily I got my life together after that. Now, moving on.
Why I started this blog
When I was younger I had a diary that I would write in about my life and boys I had crushes on etc (now delete that from your mind). I held on to that diary for some time just so I could read the entries after a few years and laugh at myself. I mean seriously, I wrote about how cute my crush in 4th Grade was. Who even am I? (again, delete)
Anyway, this kinda inspired my blog. By “this” I mean my interest in journaling my experiences to later reflect on. I’ve always been somewhat of a hoarder of memories, especially written ones. Anyone can imagine what story a picture tells but a diary entry explicitly tells you how a person felt in that moment in time.
I created this blog so that I can track my progress and go back and reflect after I’ve accomplished the life l I visualized today. My first post explains it better.
Every now and then I reread my old posts to see what I did during a hard time, or to see how much my mind has matured, and how much I’ve grown as a person. A lot of my previous posts to this date has been filled with doubt and uncertainty about what path to take. This post is important because today after I had that visualization, something clicked. I know that I’m not an average person and I’m not meant to live an average life that includes a 9-5. I want freedom. I want to help people. I want to love what I do.
The following is an excerpt from a letter a wrote to myself some time ago:
I hope you aren’t still living in fear. There’s a lot to life when you have no fear. At the end of the day you should be happy with the life you live, regardless of how other people feel about it. Remember that without taking risks, you’ll never grow. You’ve made so much progress. You’ve grown so much. You’re a young and beautiful soul with so much life ahead of her. Please don’t let anybody make you forget that. You were not meant to live an average life. NEVER SETTLE. Always trust your gut. Understand that people may discourage you because they don’t see your vision. They may mean well and want you to be safe but you can’t take advice from people who don’t have what you desire.
I had to reread this because I’ve been wanting to publish my blog for some time but I was so fearful of being vulnerable and exposing myself to people I know and don’t know. But today I said fuck it. I’ve held myself back more than I can count in the past because I was afraid of taking risks. Moving forward I’ve gotten into the habit of just saying yes and doing things without giving myself enough time to talk myself out of it. This is my first major step.